Meeting New People

So I'm leaving for Portland in a couple hours. My friend I'm staying with won't be at her house and I'm not sure if she told her roommates how I can be somewhat strange most of the time. 

Oh well, surprises are fun.

People Don't Know Their Shit

"I have no opinion to give since I have no knowledge to back it up with" said no one ever.

Disclaimer: I will admit that I am sometimes one of these dipshits but I have been trying to be careful so I give myself the right to point out the ass farts who have yet not, sooooo YUP!

Have you noticed waaaaay too many people talk like they know shit when they are clueless about the subject they are talking about. And usually they are overly entitled & passionate like those little fuckers on Halloween that demand candy from you without a thanks.

It's usually about politics or things they have no relations with and when they are caught with their bullshit, they just blame it on someone else that told them the supposed "info." Apparently this makes it not their fault since when you assert such things with so much fervor it's not like you might wanna fact check or anything (just an idea).

And to all of y'all that do this:

From now on my policy is simple: Google, I heart you. 

Haircut

Hair Stylist: What kind of haircut do you want?
Me: Business-y but relaxed.


What She Heard

Hair Stylist: What kind of haircut do you want?
Me: Unfuckable.

Sorry Grandma

I know I shouldn't be doing this but I enjoy advocating for the equality of marriage openly just to make my conservative grandmother think I might marry a girl and to see her freak out a little bit. 

I know I know, I suck. 

Walking Around Naked

So I tend to not notice that I walk around naked more often than not when my friends are over.

And this has been brought to my attention by some very concerned friends. Apparently I forgot that we were still in middle school and think the anatomy of human bodies are a territory we know of existence but rather not set foot in, kinda like Russia. 

So to my very worried friends,

Milk

So the other day I was getting coffee and the barista boy asks me 2% or fat free and I say whole. His literal reaction was this

Seriously though, to those who still pretend watered down bovine nipple juice taste delicious, I will be passively aggressively judging you.

Penis & Vagina Coexisting Without Insertion

The topic of can guys and girls be friends have been circulating amongst my peers. And to my dear friends who believe it just can't happen, I cordially invite you to go fuck yourself (but please still love me.) The reasoning behind that we will biologically inclined to be attracted to the sex we usually go for and therefore cannot be friends with them is the same thing as saying I can't be friends with anybody with a dick because I won't be able to contain myself and will have to jump them sooner or later. The shortened version being I can fall for any dude!! Which is, if I hear my labia correctly, definitely not possible. So to all my dwerp friends out there this is me laughing at how contorted your thinking is.

But ya I still want to hang out with you guys though, and you're still gonna buy me tacos right? 

Valentines Day

Friend: What are you doing for Valentines Day?

Me: Rigorous masturbation *then puts on my cutest smile ever*

Hey, let's all just be honest here. 

Soooo

I've decided to actually start writing on this blog that I started a year ago (GO ME!!!!). Since my life is so filled with so many to-do lists and little mundane shit that I never get done, why not add blogging to the list to see up to what new level of insane but functional it will drive me to. Anyways here goes.

Thanks you guys, you really didn't have to.